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Changing Seasons

May….a month of sun, flowers, renewal…and one or two other things:

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Club volleyball tournament–The end of an era.

Our 17 year old daughter’s volleyball season, and her club career, ended with a family trip to the annual Memorial Day Weekend tournament at Penn State, a 4 hour drive from our house.

Soccer season ended for her 10 year old brother with an all-day tournament last Saturday, a much easier 40 minute drive from home.

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We ran around a lot this spring.

Chorus concert.  Strings concert.  Project & activity showcase.  All three were nice May evenings at the elementary school.

Field day.  End of the year scout events.

Projects.  Presentations.  Studying.  Post-PSAT college mail continuing to arrive most days, often waiting in a stack, unopened.

High school final exams…wrapped up today by our freshman and are coming up next week for her sister, the rising senior–their schedules out of sync because they chose to attend different high schools.

For me, dozens of hours devoted to coordinating statewide tests in the school where I work led to materials inventoried, distributed, used, re-inventoried, and shipped out on a truck last week–while still trying to do my regular work at the same time.

For my wife, lots of juggling to get everyone where they needed to be, including morning and afternoon carpools for the daughter who opted for a school 35 minutes from home….carpools that made possible, as it turns out, for that daughter to have the most successful school experience of her life over the past 10 months….but taxing, nevertheless, for a work-from-home mom with 2 other kids (and me).

In broad strokes, that was May 2013 in the DadKnowsBetter household.

So this may be most welcome summer we have had as a family.

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My first book of summer.

There will still be logistics and driving.  And there will be appointments and accomplishments to sort out–doctors to see, a driving test for 17, a summer camp here and there…

 

But there will also be time to catch our breath.  And more time to read books that no one assigned.  And time to sift through that stack of college brochures–and to visit a few schools in person.  Time to relax by the pool during 10 and 14’s swim team practice.  And to travel a little.  And to write more.

I’m open to suggestions of summer-only….or summer-mainly…ways to unwind.  Any thoughts?

 

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Family Movie Night

Like many families, one of our favorite activities is a weekend movie night at home.  With 2 adults, 2 teens, and a 9 year old in the audience, finding a film to make everyone happy can be the biggest challenge; but it is worth the effort.

To get started, I like to throw out the food pyramid and indulge in a fun but don’t-try-this-on-a-regular-basis menu, brought to you by the freezer section at Costco.  Crowd favorites include pot stickers, fried wontons, mini-bagel pizzas, mozzarella sticks, and appetizer quiches….maybe even some popcorn.

That takes care of dinner, but what about the show?  Over the years we have enjoyed many easily predicted winners, such as Home Alone, the Harry Potter series, How To Train Your Dragon, Looney Tunes collections, and several Marvel super hero blockbusters.  But we have also stumbled across some that went from “never heard of it” or “not sure what that is” to “that was a lot of fun.”  Here are two:

Unaccompanied Minors–Did this  movie ever have a run in theatres?  I had never heard of it–but we had fun.  A group of high school kids from different backgrounds wind up stranded in an airport during a blizzard.  “Aquaman, men are made, not born.”–Words to live by.  Fair warning:  Some lightly crude humor, but rated PG.

Hoodwinked Too:  Hood vs. Evil–This DVD clicked for us even though we had no idea that the ‘Too’ in the title actually meant ‘sequel.’  Not a problem.  As our story begins, we find that Little Red Riding Hood is a combination secret agent/ninja.  What’s not to love?  There is plenty of play on words to keep the adults on board, such as the Big Bad Wolf’s notsalgia:  “I went through my bad boy phase. Rode a bike, greased my hair back, lived over Richie Cunningham’s garage, water skied over a shark tank. Those were some Happy Days.”  Word to the wise:  Do not leave the room whenever the singing goat turns up.

Neither of these movies is lined up for the next AFI 100, but there is fun to be had in movies that did not win awards, make a fortune, and spawn a string of sequels and a TV cartoon series.

Speaking of the AFI 100, there are times when our “family movie night” shrinks from an audience of 5 to an audience of 3 or 4, and that’s ok.  As an example, introducing our older kids to Schindler’s List had to happen on a summer night after their little brother had gone to bed.  His time will come for some of the more ‘grown up’ films…To Kill A Mockingbird, The Sixth Sense and Alien, but there is no rush.movie

Of course, if a ‘thumbs up’ is going to mean anything, there also have to be some thumbs pointing down.  4 out of 5 family members surveyed found Nim’s Island to be a ‘we probably don’t need to watch that again.’  (One maternal unit strongly disagrees with this rating.)  Home Alone 3?  Not a favorite.

Family movie night is as much a part of our “family literacy” as vacation and holiday experiences. We pepper one another–sometimes insufferably–with funny quotes that seem to fit a moment.  A simple phrase, such as “You are one lucky bug” from Mulan or “Why did it have to be snakes?” from Raiders of the Lost Ark makes a connection.  And that’s what family movie night is all about, Charlie Brown (There’s another one…).

Note:  DadKnowsBetter did not receive any compensation of any kind related to this post.  All opinions are my own….including the lukewarm-at-best rating for Nim’s Island.

 

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Kids & Sports: A Playing Time Proposal

Over the past 16+ years, our 3 kids have tried their share of organized sports:  t-ball, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, volleyball, swimming, football, tennis, golf, and karate, and I am probably missing something.  For the most part, these have been great experiences for eveyone involved.  But when there have been disappointments, most have had nothing to do with winning or losing; most have involved playing time.  That’s probably not a big surprise–playing time is often the hottest topic among parents on the sidelines. 

I have seen this from both sides, as a parent and as a coach.  I have enjoyed coaching t-ball, basketball, soccer, and volleyball for my kids’ rec leagues; 10 seasons of varsity high school volleyball; 5 seasons of club volleyball; and even 1 spring of “high school developmental golf.”  (For the record, I am fully qualified to teach bad golf….)

So WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?  Should everyone play the same amount?  Didn’t we all pay the same fees?  Should the better players play more?  Doesn’t the coach want to WIN?! 

As I see it, the deciding factor is simple:  Did each player join the team by simply signing up, or were the players selected through tryouts?

For this discussion, let’s assume that each player comes to practice regularly, behaves well, and gives a reasonable effort.

If everyone landed on the team just by registering, playing time should be 100% equal.  And to clarify, an evaluation to determine WHICH team a player will be on is not the same as a tryout to determine WHETHER the player will make a team at all.  If registration form + check = you’re on the team, then I expect playing time to be evenly distributed.

I’ll admit that I take pride in coaching rec league teams this way….developing a steady rotation to balance playing time.  Personally, I do not believe going undefeated in 6 year old micro soccer or playing all 4 quarters of 7 year old basketball is a defining experience for a child long-term; but I have seen firsthand that kids can be bitterly disappointed when they sit on the sidelines feeling left out, sometimes even walking away from particular sports for good.  And if my kid happens to be one of the best players (which has happened now and then), I understand that (s)he should have the same ratio of playing/bench time as the less-skilled players (which has also described my child at other times). 

But if there is a tryout, parents and players need to understand that the team/league/etc. is competitive by its very nature.  If you have to perform in order to earn a place on the team, doesn’t it make sense that the coaches will judge your performance to determine who plays, and when?

So does this mean a travel team coach can reasonably play some kids 100% while others sit the bench?  In my opinion, NO.  As a parent, I understand playing time will not be equal, but for $500-$2000 per season, I expect my son/daughter to have opportunities to play.  And as a coach, I believe that I have to be able to get EVERY child on the field or court at least 1/3 of the time.  If that is difficult, either I should not have selected him/her at the tryout or I am not doing my job to help that child develop the skils (s)he needs to be successful in the games; either way, (s)he plays.

High school varsity teams are the exception.  There is almost always a competitive tryout process, the cost is usually far less than for a travel team, and at the varsity level winning is a relatively high priority.  For most players, high school varsity will be the highest level they can reasonably achieve, and their senior year may be the last time the play their sport of choice on a team with a coach.  At that point, the days of “no one keeps score and everyone gets a trophy” are over.  But I still believe good coaches look for opportunities to get their weaker players on the court or field, especially when the win is fairly secure.

Not too long ago I wrote about playing time as one of the great attractions of swimming.  But millions of kids–including my own–play a wide range of sports in which playing time is an issue.  If you have thoughts on how to manage playing time in the best interests of kids, I invite you to comment below.

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